Hello Oblivion
by AudeliaMarlowe
Summary: Follows the surviving characters of Rocky Horror until they meet up again in Shock Treatment.  Which, for the purposes of this fic, I'm treating as a direct sequel. COMPLETE! Come back soon for a follow-up story called Aftershock.
1. Chapter 1

My first fanfic ever. Be nice?

The eventual plan is to have this story span all the way from right after "Superheroes" to the Overture of Shock Treatment.

Everything in here belongs to Richard O'Brien, not me.

When Columbia woke up, the world was on fire. The castle was shaking, the theatre was burning, and she couldn't move. "What a way to die," she thought. "I don't even get the luxury of being unconscious." Columbia settled in, letting the smoke fill her lungs, and tried to think of pleasant times with Frank and Eddie.

Suddenly, she felt her arms being pulled. She was being dragged out of the fire and smoke-filled theatre, into the fresh air of the moonlit night. "I'm going home," she thought. "Heaven is Transylvania."

She was pulled out of her stupor by a harsh voice. "Columbia! Baby! Are you alright?" This certainly wasn't the God Furter, thought Columbia. It was Risty, a scrawny young Transylvanian she'd never much noticed before. How did he know her name? And why was he risking his own life to save her?

Janet coughed and sputtered on the castle's front lawn. She crawled through the smoke, desperate to find Brad and Dr. Scott, who'd also been knocked down by the blast from inside the castle. She grabbed until her arms hit something metal. Dr. Scott's wheelchair. He was on the ground next to it, dead. Janet couldn't stop crying. How were there any tears left to cry? She'd betrayed Brad, they were both no longer pure, and their science tutor and old friend was dead in the middle of nowhere.

"Janet!" cried Brad. He'd found her. "Janet, are you alright."

"No. You know I'm not, and you're not either. And Scotty's dead. What are we going to do?"

"We have to get out of here. Denton's miles away, but if we start walking now, we can might make it by morning.

"Walk! In these shoes? We might as well go barefoot. And we're worse than naked." Janet looked down at their matching corsets and garters. "I don't remember putting on these... clothes."

"It's alright, Janet. I'm here, there's nothing to worry about."

"Where have I heard that before?" muttered Janet.

Riff was absolutely furious. It didn't help that Magenta was laughing at him. "Back to Transylvania? Oh, that's rich. More like back to where we started, with no house, no one to help us... brother of mine, you are incredibly stupid."

"Hoopla!" cried a voice from across the field. "Hoopla, I cannot see!"

"Schnick?" yelled Magenta. "Where are you!" She ran away from her brother to find one of her best Transylvanian friends clutching his eyes in agony.

"The smoke. I think I'm blind."

As Columbia looked up at Risty, she felt as though everything was going to be all right. _Look at those eyes. That tight little body. How have I never paid attention to him before,_ she thought. He didn't look so scrawny to her anymore, but a tall and handsome savior.

"Columbia? Say something!"

She didn't realize that she hadn't spoken yet. "Risty! Thank you so much... I... how did you find me?"

"I looked through the whole castle. The laboratory, the ballroom, all the bedrooms. I can't find anyone else alive. But when I saw you breathing, I had hope." He smiled.

That smile. She could get used to this.

"Blind! Scnick, I... let me see." Magenta pried his hands away from his face and looked into his reddened eyes. "I'm so sorry."

"Magenta, my lovely Magenta. I cannot see your beautiful face." Tears formed in Schnick's bloodshot eyes.

"Leave him!" Riff had come up behind Schnick without Magenta's noticing.

"Leave him? Congratulations, brother. Look what you've done. This is all your fault."

Ignoring her, Riff grabbed Schnick by the wrist. "Come on, we've got to get out of this place." They hadn't made it ten feet before they nearly stumbled over Columbia and Risty.

"Columbia! You're alive," cried Magenta.

"No thanks to you." Columbia was still lying on the grass.

Risty puffed himself up as much as he could. "You! Riff Raff. This is all your fault! Look at the destruction you've caused. You've ruined everything, and you have to fix it!"

"I told him that, but he doesn't listen. You know he never listens." Magenta looked down at her best friend. How had she gone along with her brother's plan? At least there were two more survivors.

"Come ON," screamed Riff. "We're leaving, now."

"Where are we going, you idiot. We've got no way of going home," snarled Magenta.

"I'll figure something out." He dragged Schnick across the lawn, away from the castle that was now completely on fire. Magenta and Risty helped Columbia to her feet, and the three Transylvanians started off after Riff.

Columbia looked back at the only home she'd known on Earth as it burned brighter than Magenta's hair. "Goodbye, all of this," she said softly.


	2. Chapter 2

Brad and Janet had been walking for nearly two hours in complete silence. The road back to Denton was dark, but the sky was finally getting lighter. They'd both removed their shoes long ago, and were stumbling along the road barefoot.

Janet was the first to break the silence. "I'm not going any farther until we talk about what happened." She stopped in the middle of the road.

"What is there to talk about?"

"Everything! We both... I..." Janet didn't know how to finish that sentence. She and Brad both knew what they'd done, and Brad was right, there was no sense talking about it. She hobbled down the road for a minute, and then stopped again. "Do you still want to marry me?"

By the look on Brad's face, she knew that was the worst question. "I love you," he said, avoiding any direct response.

Just then, headlights appeared behind them. The car slowed down, then stopped, as the driver rolled down his window. "Well, now, what are you two kids doing out here, looking like this? Need a ride?" The man was older, heavyset, and somehow seemed to not have a neck. Despite his refined accent, he looked both approachable and a little ridiculous.

"Hi. I'm Brad Majors, and this is my fiancée, Janet Weiss. Our car broke down, back down the road a few miles. And then... other things happened. Anyway, would you happen to be going near Denton?"

"What a coincidence! I was just headed home to Denton. Been visiting my mother out in Lewisville. Anyway, the two of you'd better, uh, hop in." Brad immediately jumped into the man's front passenger seat, while Janet silently slid into the backseat. "I'm Oliver Wright, by the way. Nice to meet you two."

"You wouldn't happen to be the Judge Oliver Wright, by any chance?" asked Janet.

"One and the same, my dear. But please, call me Oliver."

Judge Wright was a friendly man, if old fashioned. The three of them made small talk all the way back to Denton. And the Judge, not wanting to seem tactless, refused to mention Brad and Janet's charming underclothes.

Columbia was the first one to notice the car on the side of the road. "Hey! Transportation!"

"The front left tire's completely blown out, idiot," said Riff. He was actually a bit jealous that she'd found the car first.

"I could try to fix it, if you don't mind," responded Risty. "If there's a spare tire in the trunk, I can put it on."

"Well, aren't you the handyman, then?" replied Riff, still getting angrier. Magenta exchanged a look with Columbia.

The car was left unlocked with the keys still in the ignition. The Transylvanians easily opened the trunk, but found that the spare tire was badly in need of some air. Still, it was better than a shredded tire, so Risty changed them out and instructed Riff to drive slowly until they found a gas station to air it up.

As Brad, Janet, and their new friend crossed into Denton's city limits, Brad told Oliver to take them to his apartment. Even though his parents still lived in Denton, Brad got his own place when he started graduate school at North Texas State University. Janet, an undergrad at Texas Woman's University across town, still lived with her parents. Brad didn't want to even imagine Harry and Emily Weiss's reactions to the way they were dressed. Oliver dropped them in front of Brad's apartment, and the two of them stumbled inside and flopped down on the bed.

The Transylvanians rode along in their stolen car, and thankfully found a gas station within a few miles. Though he had no idea what he was doing, and was still dressed a traditional Transylvanian space suit, Riff insisted on being the one to air up the tire.

"Ya need some help there?" came a man's thick Southern drawl a couple of feet away from Riff. "Here, let me help y'all. Take this here..." Before Riff could protest, the man had aired up the tire, rendering Riff useless. Columbia, looking out the window, didn't bother stifling a giggle.

"Uh, thank you, sir," said Riff.

"No problem." The man sniffed. "Have ya'll been at a costume party or somethin'? You sure do look different."

"Yes, of course. Yes, anyway, thank you, goodbye." Riff patted the man on his back and stealthily grabbed his wallet of of the back pocket of his dirty jeans.

Magenta laughed at him as he got back in the driver's seat. "Stay in the car, everyone, I've got this," she teased. "That dumb pile of grease knows more than you do."

"Yes, but that dumb pile of grease just paid for our trip out of this town," said Riff, setting the man's wallet in Magenta's lap and driving off.


	3. Chapter 3

Janet didn't even notice she'd fallen asleep until she woke up. Brad was next to her on his bed, still asleep, and still in Frank's choice of costume. She frowned, and went into the bathroom to survey the damage. It wasn't worse than she'd thought, but it was still bad. Dirt and heavy makeup caked to her face, arms, and legs, with someone else's lip prints all over her chest and stomach. Her borrowed lingerie was ripped to pieces, and covered even less than it had originally. Janet turned on the shower.

As soon as the water was running, Janet realized how much she needed to be clean. She ripped off the torn pieces of clothing and stepped into the shower. The water needed to be hotter, Janet thought; hot enough to sterilize her body. She felt like she would never be truly clean again unless she scrubbed off all her skin. She'd never be the way she was.

The Transylvanians were lucky. There was money in the wallet, and a credit card. They used some of the cash to fill up the car with gas at another gas station. And, in a church parking lot, they stole clothes from a donations drop box. They looked more human, and even Riff had to admit, they were more comfortable. Magenta even found some dark sunglasses for Schnick's still-blind eyes.

Magenta was also responsible for digging the crumpled road map out of the car's glove compartment. It was the whole state of Texas, and once she found Denton, she planned out their whole trip. They would take I-45 south as far as they could, until they hit Galveston and the Gulf of Mexico.

Brad woke up to the sound of the shower running on full blast. He knocked on the door, sensing that there was something wrong. "Janet? Janet, darling, are you okay?" No answer. Cautiously, he opened the door. "Janet?" he said, a little louder."

"What do you want?" came a voice from inside the shower. Janet sounded harsh and halting - she was trying to be tough despite her tears.

"Janet, I'm worried about you. Come out here, please?"

"No. Go away." She was definitely crying. Brad opened the shower curtain to find his fiancée huddled at the bottom of the bathtub. Her skin was bright pink and wrinkled from staying in the hot water so long. "Oh, go ahead and look at me," she said. "Everyone else has."

"Janet..." He turned off the water, climbed into the tub, and sat down next to her. "It's going to be okay, I promise."

"But it's not okay now. This isn't normal, Brad. This kind of thing doesn't happen to normal people."

"I don't care. Maybe there's something wrong with being normal and boring." He put his arms around her as she snuggled into his chest. "You're better than normal, anyway. Janet, I really do love you. You're the most beautiful person I've ever met, and I want you to know that I'll never leave you. I'm sorry for what happened to us back at that... that place... but I don't blame you and you shouldn't blame me. He took advantage of us." Janet looked in his eyes, and she knew he was serious.

"Where did I ever find you?" She smiled, finally.

"In tutoring for Physics 101. Remember?" He smiled back at her, and she laughed. It was good to hear that laugh again. "Janet, I want to ask you again, because I just realized that I never actually said the words before. Will you marry me?"

"Of course I will." And she kissed him.

As he held her in his arms, Brad reflected on the weirdness of the whole situation. Two days ago, he'd have never been making out in his bathtub with his naked girlfriend - fiancée! But now, that seemed perfectly normal. They finally pulled themselves apart. "Why don't you go put on some clothes, okay? I think I'm going to take a shower now, too," Brad said.

Janet nodded at him. "I'll go find something for us to eat."

Columbia knew she should be grateful to be out on the road instead of stuck in the castle, but being squished in the middle of a backseat with two other Transylvanians wasn't her idea of freedom. They were three hours into the road trip, with no end in sight. Texas is a big place for anyone to comprehend, even aliens. "Are we there yet?" squeaked Columbia, for what must have been the hundredth time.

"NO. Shut UP," screamed Riff. "We have not gotten there yet, and if you keep asking, I'll make sure YOU never do." He turned his head. "Magenta, darling, how much farther is it until the next town?"

Magenta rolled her eyes. "An hour, maybe. I can't really understand this map. Earth people are so stupid. When are they going to invent GPS units?"

Meanwhile, back in Denton, the judge with no neck sat alone in a darkened room. The only light came from the small television perched atop a filing cabinet, which was tuned to the local news.

"Firefighters have finally extinguished the blaze from the exploded oil refinery outside of Denton," reported Macy Struthers, with an inappropriate level of perkiness. "Only one body of the many found has been identified, belonging to local science teacher Dr. Everett V. Scott." An old picture of the man was shown on the screen.

"A strange crime," murmured Judge Wright, absentmindedly stroking his tie, "Very strange indeed."


	4. Chapter 4

By the time the traveling Transylvanians made it to Galveston, it was dark outside. Magenta's less-than-stellar navigation skills had taken them on a few wrong turns, and it didn't help that Riff was basically making up how to drive as he went along. But somehow, they got there. Riff parked the car at a Farley Flavors Fast Foods near the seawall, and they all went down to the beach. Magenta sat with Schnick, quietly telling stories about old times back on Transsexual, and the others wandered off on their own.

Risty sank his toes into the sand and looked up at the sky. Out there, somewhere, was home. Columbia sat down next to him. "Moon-drenched shores," she said, "Remind you of anywhere?"

"That's exactly what I was just thinking." He sighed. "I miss it so much, but sometimes I wonder why. It's not like I have anything to go back to." He looked at Columbia. "Hey, what are you doing hanging around me? Didn't you get enough time by my side stuck in that backseat?"

"Yeah, but no time alone. I never got a chance to thank you for saving my life."

"Don't mention it. A pretty girl like you doesn't deserve to die so young." He hoped she didn't notice that he was blushing.

"Well, thanks. At least someone out there cares about me." She let a fistful of sand run through her fingers. "They'd left me for dead. I don't even know why I bother following them, they just think of me as some stupid groupie."

"You're not stupid. Let's agree to stick together, okay kiddo?"

She laughed a little. "Okay."

Riff Raff kept walking. He had a lot of thinking to do. How could he have screwed everything up so royally? Instead of safely back on his home planet, he was stuck wandering this strange land. He kept walking, and thinking, and stewing about the mess he'd made, when he realized he had walked all the way to the port of Galveston. Stacks of shipment crates lined the shore, with freighter boats and even a cruise ship parked at every dock.

A flashlight shone at his eyes. "Who's there? Don't try anything, or I'll shoot." Riff squinted and blinked. A big, burly man stood a few feet in front of him, with his hand at the gun at his side.

"I'm not trying anything!" exclaimed Riff, nervously. "I was just out walking."

"The port's not the safest place to be walking in the middle of the night," said the man, with his hand still on the gun.

"Well, I can tell that now! I'm sorry, but I'm not from around here." Riff was shaking.

"You an alien?"

Riff stared at him for a second without speaking. "How... how did you know?"

"Don't be so shocked. We get a lot of illegals around these parts. Once they're done building the next Farley Flavors, or they get sick of mowing lawns, they usually come out here to find work." The man took his hand off the gun, and held it out to Riff. "My name's Dan Lopez. Been working on the docks for six years now. Been living out here for five."

"I'm... uh... Riff. Hello," he stammered, shaking Dan's hand.

"Well, it's nice to meet ya." Dan gave Riff a good-natured thump on the back. "Sorry I had to scare you there. Trust me, you have no idea what kind of weird folks come out here."

"I can imagine. Anyway, I'll just be going..." Riff turned around.

"Wait just a second. Are you looking for work? There's a freighter leaving tomorrow that needs about three crew members," said Dan. "I'm not usually this nice, but the captain is a friend of mine and I'd hate to see him short-handed."

"Leaving?" It was as if a light bulb went off in Riff's head. "Leaving the country, you mean? Where to?"

"Oh, all around the world. The freighters make stops in Europe, Asia. It changes for every trip. If you're interested, you'll need a passport, though."

"A what?" said Riff.

"You know, a passport. Identification? Anyway, if you need one, just to go 334 W1/2 Street. My friend Mephistopheles Smith lives there, tell him Big Dan sent you."

"334 W1/2. Got it. Thanks. I have to go now." And Riff ran all the way back to the beach.

By the time he got there, though, everyone was stretched out asleep on the sand. Riff noticed at once how tired he was, and curled up next to his sister for a little rest. Before he knew it, he was asleep, too.

The next morning, the Transylvanians woke up to Riff's yelling. "Get up, now, everyone. I have a plan."

"You and your plans," Magenta mumbled.

"Get up, everybody, get in the car. We're going to see a man about something called passport. It's how we get out here. Go!"

With more than a bit of grumbling, the five trudged back up to the Farley Flavors, and took the car to the address Riff had been told the night before. 334 W1/2 street turned out to be a small one-story house. It looked about twenty years old, with pastel pink paint peeling off its sides. The group walked up to the front door, and Riff cautiously rang the doorbell.

A thin, dark-haired young man answered the door. "Hello?" He looked sleepy.

"Hi. I'm Riff, and this is my sister Magenta. And our friends." Riff gestured toward the group. "Are you Mephistopheles Smith?"

"No. Who sent you? What do you want."

"Uh... Big Dan. We need some passports."

"Oh" The man's face instantly softened. "I think you'd better come inside." He opened the door wider for them to enter. "My name's Esteban, by the way. Sorry to be rude, but the master doesn't much like visitors."

As if on cue, yelling came from one of the other rooms. "Esteban! Get your little ass back in here. I require your services." An extremely tall figure emerged from the hallway. He seemed to have hooves for feet, and small horns growing from his bald head. A head which looked surprisingly like Riff's. His eyes blinked. "Oh. Hello. Who are you?"

"Riff Raff. And others." Riff stared at the man, confused. "Are YOU Mephistopheles Smith?"

"Why, yes I am. Nice to meet you, Mr. Raff." Mephistopheles sat down on the sofa, visibly uncomfortable.

"Just Riff, please. Mr. Smith, you're not from Earth, are you?"

Columbia gave Magenta a confused look.

"Are you, by any chance, from the planet Transportable in the galaxy of Transylvania?"

There was a very awkward silencce. Riff was at once sure that he shouldn't have spoken.

Esteban sat down. "You told me you were a demon," he said.

Mephistopheles spoke. "Yes, I'm from Transportable. Small planet, land of eternal sunset. But how did you know?"

"I'd know a Transylvanian anywhere. We're from Transsexual."

Mephistopeles smiled. "Well, small universe. All of you, please, come sit down."

They sat awhile and talked, much to Esteban's confusion. As it turned out, Mephistopheles was using alien technology to make extremely accurate fake IDs. He provided the five Transylvanians with US passports, free of charge, as well as a nice brunch of traditional Transportablarian cuisine. He explained the freighter ships to them in more detail, and gave them advice on life at sea. The Transylvanians were much indebted to their gracious host, but none so much as Schnick. Mephistopheles dug around in his medicine cabinet, and found a mask of gantha root, "for exfoliation," which he promised would restore Schnick's sight. When it worked, he cried tears of joy.

They wanted to stay longer, swapping stories about their home planets, but they had to get back to the docks and find the freighter, their key to escape.


	5. Chapter 5

Back in Denton, Brad and Janet were asleep again, curled around each other in Brad's bed. Janet woke up, pulled away from her fiancée, and got out of bed. It'd been two days since she'd even tried to contact her parents, and they were sure to be angry. But she couldn't call them! What would she say? How do you explain something like what had happened to her and Brad? And she didn't have any clothes. She couldn't very well go home wearing one of Brad's white t-shirts and nothing else. Plus, there was the simple fact that she had no car to take her home, and she wasn't about to walk.

Janet went into the living room and turned on the TV. Macy Struthers was on again, squawking about something. Janet turned up the volume to listen. "Denton's police department is hard at work, investigating last night's mysterious fire just outside of town." Janet turned the volume back down, as Brad walked into the room.

"Good morning, darling," he said, kissing her on the top of her head.

"Brad! Sit down and watch this. They're talking about the castle."

"What?" He pushed his glasses up on his nose and sat down next to her on the sofa. The news showed footage of the fire still burning, then cut to what it looked like now. A burned-out shell that was a skeleton of the castle that had changed their life, it still made them both shiver.

"Officials initially blamed the fire on an explosion at the oil refinery, but arson is now being considered. There are no suspects, and still only one body has been identified," Macy Struthers continued, as a photo of Dr. Scott appeared on screen. Janet fumbled for the remote and turned off the TV. She felt sick.

At the port of Galveston, the Transylvanians ran into Big Dan, who was surprised to see so many people.

"Wow, you sure brought a crowd! I don't know if Luther needs that many workers, but he's down that way," he said, gesturing toward a huge boat stacked with cargo. "Want me to introduce you?"

Riff nodded, and they followed Dan farther down to the freighter boat. Luther was standing on the dock smoking a cigarette. He was nearly as big as Dan, with deeply tanned skin and wrinkles suggesting a life spent working outside.

"Luther! I found those workers I told you about," yelled Dan.

Luther snapped to attention. "Hello," he grunted, "Nice to meet ya. Y'all got experience."

They shook their heads. "That's fine. It's not rocket science, and we need people. Passports?"

Riff handed Luther the stack of passports, but he waved them away. "Good enough. Come aboard. Now, we've only got three cabins free, so y'all gonna have to share."

On board, the freighter boat was like nothing they'd ever seen. It was made of rugged and dirty metal, which seemed to stretch for miles of endless hallways, broken up by a random staircase here and there. The three rooms Luther had told them about were all in different hallways that all looked mostly the same. Riff and Magenta were quick to take the first one for themselves, Risty and Columbia took the second, and Schnick was left alone with the third.

"Home sweet home, brother?" laughed Magenta, who was stretched out on one of the small beds.

"We've made it!" he replied, as he pinned her to the bed and kissed her neck. "No more Frankie-boy, no more being stuck in that prison!" He nibbled her ear, and she giggled.

"I've missed being able to... spend time with you. Ahh!" She moaned as he bit a little harder. Magenta pulled the stolen earthling clothes off her brother. "We're alone, finally alone." She pushed against him, and got on top, her mass of curly red hair falling down over their faces.

"I need you," he said, and it was true. They hadn't been able to be together much with Frank around, and they hadn't even kissed in the past two days. That was a long time for any Transylvanian, especially Riff and Magenta. Riff tore off her borrowed clothes: a dirty t-shirt and a pair of shorts that had looked ridiculous on her anyway. She was much better naked.

She actually blushed. Riff kissed her big, beautiful lips, and she forced him inside her. He gasped; it had been far too long. She dug her fingernails into his arms and he grabbed at her perfect body. They were hungry for each other; the sex was fast and violent. When they were finished, Magenta felt free for the first time in years, even though they hadn't made it back to their home planet. There were still plenty of places to go on Earth, with her brother by her side. He held her, a bit more gently, and she knew everything would be alright.


	6. Chapter 6

Janet turned to Brad. "Everything has gone crazy," she said. "It was on the news. How could we just leave him like that? Are we going to be arrested?"

"It's okay, honey. It's going to be okay." He put his arm around her shoulders and played with her hair. It was hard to feel safe anymore, but he was helping. It was raining again outside. Rain usually calmed Janet down, but this rain was too much like the rain that night. It was too soon, she remembered too much.

Suddenly, there was a loud knock at the door, making both Brad and Janet jump. "Should we answer it?" she asked.

"I'll get it." Brad walked to the door to find a familiar face - Oliver Wright. "Judge Wright? How... nice to see you again. What brings you back around this part of town?"

"Hello, Brad," Oliver leaned in, taking down his big black umbrella. "Janet. May I please come sit down? I don't think anyone else should hear, and it is a bit of a messy day out there."

"Certainly, please, come in." Flustered, Brad gestured for Oliver to sit down.

"Well, anyway, I assume you've seen Miss Struthers's hard-hitting journalism by now," he said. Janet nodded. "I wanted to come by and ask some questions, not as Judge Wright, but as Oliver-the-amateur-criminologist. Will you do me the pleasure?" Janet nodded again, as if she'd forgotten how to speak. "Now, you two were in the same part of town yesterday morning as this mysterious fire, right?"

Brad broke in. "That's right, but what exactly are you trying to get out of us, Judge Wright?"

"Just Oliver, please. And I'm merely trying to make some sense out of this whole situation. You see, before two days ago, no one had ever seen a building or an oil refinery or anything out on that side of town. But now, they're all acting as if it's always been here. The fire's mysterious, sure, but what's more mysterious to me is that there was anything on that land to catch fire."

Janet and Brad exchanged a nervous look, before Janet finally spoke. "It was a castle."

"A castle? On the outskirts of a normal town in north Texas?" Oliver was confused.

"Sure, a castle. Like something you'd see in England somewhere. I mean, it didn't seem weird to us at the time. I don't know why. But I guess you're right, I'd never seen it before."

"So, you drove past this castle..."

"Oh, no, we went inside. That's why we were dressed so strangely when you met us."

Brad interrupted again. "Just a minute, Janet, I don't think we should be saying all this..."

"And why not? It's true, isn't it? You remember." She stood up. "Oliver, can you give me a ride to my parents' house? I think I'd better go home." Outside, lightning flashed for the first time that morning, with thunder almost immediately behind. So close.

Brad stood, too, in a hurry. "I'm coming with you."

She was at the door. "Oh no, darling, there's no sense in both of us getting wet." Janet opened the door and walked out into the rain, with Oliver and his umbrella running after her.

Janet looked angry. "462 Hammond Street. Off of Lucas. Just drive," she ordered. Oliver started the car, not sure of what to expect from her. There was an awkward silence. He turned on the radio.

"Hot Patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock n' roll!" The song ended, and Janet screamed.

"That song! I know that song! I've heard it!"

Oliver chuckled. "Well, sure, everyone has. It's a hit, number one. Shame about the singer, though."

As if to finish his thought, the radio DJ spoke. "That was Eddie Mitty, with his number-one smash hit Hot Patootie! You already know that the money from record sales has paid for the operation to save the life of his sister, Mary-Louise. But I'll bet you didn't know that this missing and mysterious star is the nephew of the late Dr. Everett Scott, killed in the fire outside Denton! So much tragedy for one family. Call in with your thoughts." The radio station's jingle played as Janet's mouth hung open in shock.

"Pull over. I have to get out of the car. I'm going to be sick." He had barely stopped the car before she pushed the door open and ran out to the side of the road to vomit. It was still raining, hard. Oliver and his umbrella rushed over to her side.

"Janet? Are you... okay?" He was confused. "Carsick?"

She wiped at her mouth and looked up. "No, I... listen, I'm sorry. I'm not usually like this. But Eddie... Eddie Mitty? I've seen him. Recently, I mean."

He was still confused. "How recently? Here, get back in the car, it's pouring." Oliver led her back into the warm, dry car. "Now, tell me what's going on."

"When you picked us up... we'd been at the castle, like I told you. And there were these people there, strange people, from another planet, I think. But that Eddie, he was there. Oliver..." She paused, and looked him in the eyes. "Oliver, they killed him. But that's not the worst of it. Oh, I think I'm going to be sick again." She started to open the door.

"Janet, no, get yourself together. Calm down. What are you saying?"

"Eddie was at the castle. The aliens killed him, and then they fed him to us for dinner."

"Oh dear God." Oliver was quiet for a moment. "This is horrible, but it's so strange. I don't want you to tell the police just yet, though. I know, coming from a judge, that's a little odd, but we need some time to sort this out. Are you sure it was Eddie?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Now, please, will you take me home? I can tell you the rest later."

"Of course." And he drove the rest of the way to 462 Hammond Street in silence.

If Harry and Emily Weiss were pleased to see their daughter, they sure hid it well. When Janet turned up on their doorstep, they seemed furious.

"Janet! Where have you been, young lady?" Emily snapped. "Get inside, now. Are those Brad's pajamas? Just what have you been doing all this time? Just because you're engaged, that doesn't mean you can just get up and leave, all of a sudden, and come back two days later looking like a cheap hooker. I suppose he's gotten what he wants from you now."

That was the worst possible thing she could have said. Janet was enraged. "Mother! That's all you have to say, that he's gotten what he wants?"

"Well, there's a lot more I could say, but I'll leave that to the town gossip. You just wait until your father... HARRY! Come down here!"

Harry Weiss came down the stairs with a can of Krautmeister beer in one hand. "Janet? Baby, we've been worried sick. Where have you been?"

Janet wasn't quite sure how to answer. "I've been... uh, I've been with Brad."

Emily started in again. "Oh, see, there you go. Off with her boyfriend."

"Fiance, Emily, he's going to marry her."

"Whatever. Just what will people say? And after all that business with your cousin Phoebe running off, really Janet, I thought you'd be more sensible."

"Hey." Harry pointed at nothing in particular. "Little Miss 'Phoenix' has done pretty good for herself out there. Voice like an angel." He looked at his daughter and took another gulp of Krautmeister. "You're back, that's all that matters to me. Just call next time, okay? I've been trying to keep your mother off of calling the police."

Janet just nodded and headed up the stairs. She could hear her mother nagging and yelling at her father, but she didn't care. She just wanted to change clothes and move on. She sat down on her bed, picked up an old teddy bear, and started to cry again. This house wasn't right anymore; the only place she could go was back to Brad. He was the only one who really understood.


	7. Chapter 7

Far away, in Galveston, five Transylvanians settled into their new cabins aboard the freighter boat. Magenta and her brother; Columbia and the man who'd saved her life; and Schnick all by himself, as usual.

Schnick sighed, and took the dark glasses off his face. The light wasn't so painful to his eyes now that he was inside. What a strange couple of days, he thought. Blindness had opened his eyes on life, so to speak. And now, thanks to Mephistopheles, he was back to normal. He opened the passport he'd grabbed from Riff as they got on the boat. A photo of himself, and a new name: Bertram Walter Schnick. Silly humans. But "Bert" wasn't so bad. He flipped through the pages of the strange, small blue book and rested on the cabin's tiny bed.

Columbia awkwardly flitted around the cabin she and Risty had decided to share. "And here's a window! Oh, look at the little circle window. So cute. Anyway..." her voice got higher and higher in pitch until it was almost inaudible.

Risty laughed. "Sit down. Here." He patted space on the bed next to him. "You're usually so confident and... sparkly. What's gotten into you?"

"It's just, we've barely ever spoken, and now we're roommates? And I'm really tired, and everything's all different, and people are dead, and now apparently Riff Raff is in charge, and we're on a boat." She sat down, and rested her head on his shoulder. "What are we even doing here?"

"Working? It doesn't matter, really. What else are we doing? We don't have a way back to Transsexual, and we never will without Riff."

"And there's no way I'm leaving my best friend with her crazy brother. I don't know what she sees in him," Columbia complained, looking up at Risty.

"We'll just have to make the most of it." He smiled, and kissed her. She was surprised. It was nice, a friendly kiss. Certainly nothing out of the ordinary on their home planet. But she pulled away from him.

"Sorry." She blushed. "This sounds so human and weird, but can we take it slow? I mean, the last guy I was involved with got turned into dinner by the boyfriend I had before him. Things are a little messed up in my world right now."

He smiled too, and held her face in his hands. "Dresses like a human, talks like a human, but more beautiful than any human. You could never be one of them, but yes, we can take it slow."

Magenta and her older brother were still tangled up together in the tiny bed. He wrapped her hair around his fingers as they slowly kissed. He wanted it to be like this all the time. No humans, no "master," just Magenta and Riff, like it should be.

Their bliss was interrupted by a loud knocking on the door. Outside, in the hallways, Captain Luther was beating on all the cabin doors with a big stick. "Be on deck within five minutes! We've got to get this show on the road. Or, the ocean." He roared with laughter at his dumb joke.

Magenta rolled her eyes. "Big brother, I have to keep telling myself that I trust your judgements." She got up, and picked her shirt up of the floor. "But sometimes, I wonder." She hit him playfully with the shirt before putting it on.

In Denton, Janet dragged two pink suitcases down the stairs of her parents' house. Harry was the first to notice.

"Janet, baby, what are you doing? Where are you headed off to?"

"I'm moving out, daddy. Going to Brad's."

Emily rounded the corner. "Did you just say that you're moving in with that man? Janet! You're not married yet. What does Brad have to say about this? Oh, I'm sure he'll love the situation. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"

"Mother, really, you judge people too harshly," Janet replied, crossing her arms.

"That's no way to speak to your mother. And while we're at it, I'm not so sure you should be marrying that Brad anyway. He's adopted, you know. What do we know of his family? Think of your children! There could be inherited craziness."

"Oh yes, I'm sure of it. Inherited from you!" Janet picked up the bags and stormed out.

"Harry! Did you see that? What are we going to do about her?" Emily had rolled herself up into a fit.

"Let her go, Emily. She's old enough to make these decisions on her own." Harry turned his head so his wife couldn't see the little smile on his face.

Outside, Janet piled the luggage into her old Volkswagen Beetle and drove off to Brad's apartment. When she got there, he opened the door before she'd even gotten out of the car.

"I was looking out the window," he said, "Hoping you'd come back."

"That's sweet," she said, "Now, can you please help me with these bags?"

Brad helped her with the suitcases, before it even occurred to him to ask why they were there. "It's so good to have you back. I was trying to study, but I couldn't. I was worried about you. How'd it go with your parents?" He looked down at the suitcases at his feet. "I'm guessing it didn't go so well, then?"

"Yeah, not so great. Uh, actually, I was hoping I could move in with you?"

Brad was slightly flustered. "Of course! We were going to live together soon, anyway, so, yeah, let's get you moved in."

"Wonderful. And I've decided to withdraw from school for the semester. You know, I've got a lot to think about, and a lot's changed lately. I just need some time off. And I could do the whole housewife thing for you." She made a nervous face.

"Well, if that's what you want, then that's fine with me," Brad told her.

And she did move in with him, and she did withdraw from school. And her parents hated it, but she disobeyed them. Janet had grown up. And everything was wonderful for a month, and then it wasn't wonderful anymore.

Janet woke up at 6:15 in the morning with the most horrible nausea. For six days in a row. On the sixth day, she realized what time of the month it was. On the seventh day, she took a pregnancy test. Positive. On the eighth day, she took another pregnancy test. Positive. On the ninth day, she told Brad.

He held her, she cried, it was everything that every unplanned pregnancy always is. It was unfair. She had Brad had still never even had sex. They hadn't even talked about it, really. They had been trying to forget that night in the castle, but with the investigation of the fire on the news, and now this, it seemed that they would never get away from that night with the Transylvanians. Janet remembered the words Frank had said to her: "I've laid the seed, that should be all you need." She had a feeling that it was his. She stood sideways in front of the mirror, staring at her stomach, wondering what she'd look like in a few months.

Brad and Janet had to get married, and soon. They called Oliver Wright, and he agreed to officiate the small wedding. He was the first person they told, since he was the only one who knew about that night. Oliver had stayed in touch with them, collecting information and taking statements from Brad and Janet. He was investigating the situation on his own.

How would they tell their friends? What about Janet's parents? Emily would jump right out of her skull if she found out, they knew. They decided not to tell anyone the full story. And, on Februrary 7th, Brad and Janet were married in the presence of Harry and Emily Weiss and Ralph and Betty Hapschatt, in Oliver's dark little office. The dress Janet wore was already a size bigger than normal, but no one noticed. No one but Betty.

Betty pulled her aside after they'd had cake and punch. "Well well well, Janet Majors, how does it feel?"

"It feels great!" Janet knew from the look in her friend's eyes that Betty suspected someting. "I never expected to be married so soon after you."

"So soon. So very, very soon." Betty looked her up and down. "Janet, honey, you're not telling me something." She pouted. "And that hurts, doll. I'm your best friend, right?" Betty laughed. "Just spit it out! You're pregnant, aren't you!"

Janet grabbed Betty's arm. "Shhh! Not so loud." They walked a little farther away from the others.

"It's true, then! Oh, I'm so excited! Is Brad excited! Oh, he'll make such a cute dad."

"Betty! Stop it for five seconds. Listen, there's kind of a lot of stuff to explain. Yes, I'm pregnant, but we're not so excited. Betty, it's not Brad's."

Betty Munroe Hapschatt was a strong lady, but this was a bit much, even for her. "Janet!" she gasped, "Does he know?"

"Of course he knows. He was there when it... oh God this all sounds horrible, doesn't it? Anyway, there was this one night were some crazy things happened to both of us, and that's when this happened."

"Oh, Janet, I don't know what to say... I mean, you've always been the perfect little virgin. Remember, back in high school? Wow. So, what are you going to do about the baby?"

"We haven't decided yet. Brad's not to keen on adoption, seeing as how he never knew his real parents. But that's probably what we'll end up doing." Janet sighed. "I've talked to Oliver, in private, and he thinks he can arrange it quietly. Meeting him was really a godsend, that's for sure."

"Janet! This is crazy!"

"I know. Trust me, I know."

Brad and Janet Majors left for their small honeymoon in San Antonio, with everyone else oblivious to Janet's "condition." But the next morning, they got a bit of a surprise.

And, at sea, the Transylvanians were having their own adventures...


	8. Chapter 8

Months into their voyage, the Tranylvanians were hard at work. Essentially deckboys, they cooked and cleaned and repaired things every day. It was not unlike being a servant at Frank's castle, Magenta thought on more than one occasion. Scrubbing the decks of a greasy freighter boat was more of the same for this domestic. One day, as she was working, Riff grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into a dark corner.

He held his hand over her mouth and spoke before she could scream. "Sister. Listen. We have to get out of here."

She broke free. "No, darling, we're stuck here. Deal with it. Now, will you let me go back to my work?"

"Magenta! Pay attention to me!" He grabbed her again, hard, and she winced at the pain. "I've talked to Schnick, and he's got an idea."

"Oh, if it's not your idea, it's somebody else's crazy idea. I've had it! Let's just wait until this voyage is over, then wherever we end up, we'll settle down. Face it, we're not getting home. You blew it, Riff. There's nothing for us back on Transsexual, anyway. Remember?"

"I remember the Old Queen forcing us to go to Earth on a little adventure with her son. I remember the moon-drenched shores, and I remember how beautiful you were in that light. Magenta." He eased his grip on her arm. "Magenta, we have to find a way." He held her, then, in an loving embrace instead of anger, burying his face in her hair. "Will you at least listen to our plan?"

"Fine. Tell me. What's your grand idea?"

"Schnick's idea."

"Scnick's idea, then. What is it?"

"We take control."

She laughed. "Oh, that's a great plan. Very well thought-out. Now, will you let me go back to cleaning?"

"No, Magenta, listen. You know that Schnick's been working down by the engine? Well, there's a load of extra repair parts and materials down there. Do you know how easy it would be to build a sonic oscillator, or anything, really? We could take over the rest of this crew, and take this boat wherever we wanted. Some small island, maybe. Anyway, we could get away for a while, scrap the boat into pieces, and build our own spaceship to get home."

"So, mutiny, then? Wonderful." Magenta sighed. "Do you really think we'd get away with it, Riff?"

"I know we could. Risty already agreed with us. I just want you to convince Columbia, please?"

"Me! I don't even know if I'm convinced-" She was cut off by his lips, suddenly on hers. So comfortable, so familiar, so perfect. She scratched at his chest, through the thin t-shirt he'd been given by the humans. Magenta moaned as he moved down to her neck, then stopped as suddenly as he'd began.

"Just trust me," he whispered into her ear.

"Alright," she whispered back, "You manipulative bastard." She flashed him a smile before running off to her work.

In San Antonio, Janet woke up next to her husband in excruciating pain. She managed to roll out of the bed and hobble to the bathroom. When she looked in the mirror, she screamed.

Brad instantly jumped out of bed and ran to her side. "Janet! What's wrong!" But when he saw her, he didn't have to ask. Her stomach was completely stretched out, so much that she already looked nine months pregnant. "What... what's going on?"

"I don't know," she sobbed. "But the pain is awful!" She fell down to the floor, nearly fainting. "Ahhhh! Brad, help me!"

"I can't! I don't know what to do! Why are you so pregnant?" he stammered.

She glared at him. "Oh, I don't know, Brad. Why am I so pregnant? Maybe it was the goddamn aliens that raped us a couple months back. AHHHH, FUCK!"

"Janet! You're going to wake everyone in the entire hotel!"

"Now is not the time, Brad," she said through gritted teeth. "Look at this, what the fuck is going on?" her massive abdomen was shaking by itself. Something seemed to be moving inside of it.

"Should we take you to the hospital?" Brad was absolutely freaking out.

"Yes! No! I don't know! There's a fucking alien inside me, what are they going to do?"

"I'm calling Oliver."

"No," Janet breathed, "Call Betty."

He did what she said. And somehow, Betty was there in less than four hours. Brad didn't even want to ask how fast she'd driven. Janet was still on the floor of the bathroom, biting a washcloth to keep from screaming. They didn't want any extra attention.

"Okay, I'm here! Hello. Oh, goodness, Janet. How on earth..."

"I'm giving birth to an alien. Nice to see you, Betty."

Brad explained the whole situation as Betty comforted her friend. She was shocked, but determined to make things better.

"This is a little... different. But, uh, I think I can help. Let me take a look."

Janet pulled the washcloth out of her mouth. "No! You're not looking at my-"

"Janet, I love you, but shut up. Let me look," Betty ordered. "Oh, God."

Janet screamed again, muffled by the washcloth.

"What? What is it?" Brad was pacing back and forth.

"I see something. Oh, Brad, don't look over here."

"Not helping, Betty!"

"Janet, stop it! Okay, I think I've got this. I'm gonna have to, uh... go in. Just try to relax, Janet."

"Betty, if you ever tell anyone about this-"

"Hold on! I've got it. Push, Janet!"

"What the hell do you think I'm doing!"

"Well, push harder!"

By this time, Brad was sitting in a chair across the hotel room, looking more than a bit queasy.

"Alright! One, two, three! We're almost there! Keep going. Oh, weird"

"Betty, that's not what I need to be hearing right now!"

"Seriously, Janet, you're almost done. Push!"

And with that, Janet Majors laid a rather large egg.


	9. Chapter 9

Betty held the egg with a look of confusion on her face. "How... What is this?"

"Let me see. Bring it closer to me, I don't want to move." Janet was exhausted. Betty showed her.

"Well, I guess it's an egg. I wasn't kidding about the aliens, Betty. This must be how they reproduce."

"But what do we do with it?" Betty asked. "Do we wait for it to hatch, or something?"

Brad walked over from the other side of the room. "We could destroy it. Throw it out the window, and forget about all this."

"NO!" Janet took the egg from Betty, holding it in her arms like a baby. "This is my child... I think. You're not going to destroy it.

"Let me take it back to Denton, Janet. You know my grandmother raises chickens. I can sneak it into the incubator, and then we'll see what happens." Betty was confused, but willing to do anything she could to help.

Betty did end up taking the alien egg back to Denton. Brad and Janet continued on their honeymoon for the rest of the week, and Janet's egg stayed warm among a group of chicken eggs. When they got back to Denton, Janet went and visited her egg every day, reading and singing to it like a newborn baby. Brad thought she was crazy. And, 21 days after she'd pushed the egg out into the world, Janet's son hatched.

He looked just like his father, with a mass of curly back hair and big eyes. Outwardly, he looked like a perfect human baby. Ten fingers, ten toes... everything you'd expect. But Janet knew that he was half-Transylvanian. Worse, he was a constant reminder of that awful night. So, as much as she instantly loved her son, she quietly put him up for adoption with Oliver's help. She hadn't even named him; she just called him Sonny. The name stuck. Janet didn't want to meet Sonny's adoptive parents, but she knew that he would have a good life with them. It was the only choice she could make, to move on with her life, as well as Brad's.

Riff Raff clanged around with a pile of scrap metal in the lowest deck of the freighter boat. He, Schnick, and Risty had been working for nearly two weeks on a new weapon that Riff promised would work.

"They're landing in England tomorrow morning. Do you think they'll let us go ashore?" Risty couldn't conceal the fact that he wanted to see more of this planet.

"They might," replied Schnick. "They haven't before, but they might let us."

"If this works, they don't have to let us. We can do whatever we want. The transducer is finished!" Riff gleefully held up the silly-looking weapon.

"Are you sure?" asked Schnick. "I don't want you- I mean, us- to mess up again."

"I'm sure!" Riff replied. "Absolutely certain."

"Good. Let's all meet in my room at midnight. I want to go over the details of the plan. And trust me, it will work." Schnick smiled.

Janet started waking up early in the mornings, taking a long nap during the day, and staying up late at night. She could never sleep when she was supposed to, and when she wasn't supposed to, all she could do was sleep. She made Brad sleep in a separate room. Since he had classes and work during the day, she didn't see him very much. She didn't really want to see anyone. Betty did come over a few times, which was good for Janet. She needed to talk things out. Times were hard for her.

She missed Sonny so much that she ached. Her first-born son, being raised by another family. And no one knew but Brad, Betty, and Oliver. Not even Ralph or her parents. It was better that way, thought Janet. Besides, no one cared anymore about the castle and the fire. The police never did figure anything else out about the case, and they'd dropped it. The only one who had looked into it in any detail was Oilver. He'd made a book with photos and statements from Brad and Janet.

Janet didn't even care anymore. She just wanted to feel happy again. If she was going to be really honest with herself, she missed having sex. The touches of Frank and Rocky, both different, both strangely wonderful. She and Brad never talked about it, and they'd certainly never done it. Was he even still attracted to her? Probably not, after seeing a giant alien egg come out of her, she thought. Janet sat in the darkness of her living room and sipped a cup of strong herbal tea. It would get better soon, she hoped.

At midnight, the Transylvanians gathered in Schnick's small room. They sat in a circle on the floor, like students in a kindergarten class. Only for them, the lesson was much more sinister. "Here's what we do," Schnick said, in a low voice. "We wait for their lunchtime. We'll have already docked in the morning, so most of the work will be done. Everyone should be at lunch, but we'll show up late." He looked at Riff. "This would be so much easier if we had more than one weapon."

"I know," said Riff, "But there aren't enough materials. We're lucky to have this one."

"Right. So we just need to choose someone to operate the transducer. Risty, how about you?"

"Me!" Risty was surprised.

"I agree," added Magenta. "He's the strongest."

"Well, alright then." Risty quickly accepted the decision as Riff fumed.

"Just don't get hurt," whispered Columbia.

They finished their plans, and then went to sleep. Tomorrow would be a big day.

12:15 p.m. The port of Dover, UK. In the small dining room of the freighter boat, the humans ate their meatloaf, oblivious to the armed aliens waiting in the corridor. The plan was to send in the women first. Columbia and Magenta would provide a distraction, and then the men would come in with the portable transducer. They were going to turn all the humans into stone, because they couldn't guarantee that killing them would work. But, after the humans were all stone, the Transylvanians would drag them to the upper deck and throw them overboard. Being so heavy would make them sink, and if they somehow ever got de-Medusaed, they'd drown. Afterwards, the Transylvanians would take control of the ship, and cruise it wherever they wanted. The goal was eventually to find a small, uninhabited island where they could take their time in building a way to get home.

"I'm not ready," whispered Magenta to her brother. "What if something goes wrong?"

"It won't. Now, go!"

Magenta and Columbia entered the dining room, leaving the door to the hallway open just a crack. As the only females aboard, they'd received plenty of attention since joining the crew. It was time to use that to their advantage. They were wearing clothes that were a bit more Transylvanian, which seemed to amaze the humans.

"Hello." Columbia sat down on the lap of a very confused man. "How's lunch today? Want to come back to my room afterwards? Promise I won't tell."

"You look so nice today," said Magenta, playing with another man's hair.

Their slightly awkward sexual distraction was working, somehow. Magenta signalled to Schnick through the crack in the door, and the three men came busting in...


	10. Chapter 10

Brad Majors was sick of it all. His wife was a shell of what she used to be, always sitting quietly in the dark. Janet didn't pay attention to him anymore. He was so lonely, but he could never actually get any time alone because she was always there. Living with someone else was a big adjustment for Brad, and Janet wasn't helping matters by never leaving the house.

One Saturday, Brad felt like he'd had enough of watching television in the dark. He needed to get out. And besides, they needed some groceries. A perfect excuse.

He breathed in the cold air of the produce aisle. Much better. He was lost in his own thoughts when a voice brought him right back to Earth.

"Brad Majors? Is that you? I haven't seen you since high school!" It was Danny Slipstrini. Danny was never really friends with Brad, but they'd had classes together in the past. Brad was a little bit of a nerd, and Danny was one of those kids who'd always asked "to check answers together" on homework assignments. Danny wasn't particularly smart, or popular, but he was generally tolerated because he was a decent football player and vaguely attractive. But that was over four years ago. Time had erased any divide between the social classes, and any leftover memories from high school had already been wiped of pain and whitewashed into nostalgia. For Danny, at least.

"Hi, Danny." Brad forced a smile. "What're you up to?"

"Oh, nothing much. You know, trying to get by." He sighed. "My girl broke up with me a couple months back, so I wound up back in Denton. Trying to find something to do, to make myself useful."

"Oh, well... I'm, uh, sorry..."

"Say, are you still with that Janet chick? She was pretty cute."

"Yes, uh, actually we got married."

Danny's face lit up. "Aww, now that's real sweet. You always were so successful. So, when are y'all gonna start a family?"

"Not... not just yet. I don't think..."

"Ah, no rush." He laughed. "Anyway, it was nice seein' ya again, Brad."

"You too." And they went in their own separate directions.

The thing about grocery stores, though, is that once you run into somebody once, you tend to run into them again while you're there. Inevitably, your shopping lists will intersect, and provide at least one awkward "I'm not really stalking you" moment. Brad and Danny ran into each other again in the cereal aisle, and then a third time at the checkout.

"Hello again," said Brad, awkwardly.

"Hi. So, Brad..." Danny put his groceries up on the counter. "What are you doing later? Maybe we could get together, talk about old times some more."

"Yeah, sure," he replied, then looked into Danny's eyes. There was something strange there, something familiar that he hadn't seen in a while. He couldn't quite place it, but he was instantly intrigued. "Yes, I will, actually."

On the boat in Dover, the men stormed into the little dining room. The humans were shocked. What was going on? It didn't take them long to figure out when they saw Risty holding a strange, massive weapon.

"Alright, everyone get down on the floor! Get down!" Riff yelled. He and Schnick rushed to pin them down. There were four crew members, plus the captain... who wasn't there. Where was he? The first four humans were quickly Medusaed by Risty and his Transducer. The Transylvanians all let out a sigh of relief. And then, Captain Luther came in with his gun.

Brad stood outside Danny's apartment and cautiously knocked on the door. He remembered that look; there was something going on, he knew.

"Hey Brad! Come on in." Danny smiled. There was that look again. "Want a beer or anything?"

"Yeah, sure, beer." Brad sat down on Danny's ratty old sofa.

"Here ya go. So, tell me, how's life as a married man."

"It's great." He paused. "Actually, it's not great. I don't know, I shouldn't be telling you this."

"Why not." Danny took a gulp of his own beer. "We're friends, right?"

"Danny, I haven't seen you in years. And we weren't really friends in high school, honestly."

"Hey! We had some good times. But don't change the subject. Tell me what's going on."

"I haven't even told Ralph. But Janet and I have gone through some weird stuff, and she's so depressed all the time. I feel like she doesn't even notice that I'm there."

"Seriously? I'm sorry, really." Danny sat down next to Brad.

"Yeah. I know it sounds horrible, but I don't know how to fix it. She's not the same Janet I fell in love with."

"So are you staying together?"

"Of course! How can you even ask that? Brad looked up at Danny. There was that look again.

And then, somehow, they were kissing.

It was a shock to Brad, but surprisingly not in a bad way. He remembered Frank's touch, and realized in an instant that this was something he'd needed for a long time. And, in the same instant, he knew that what he was doing was very wrong.

He pulled away.

"I'm sorry..." started Danny. "I shouldn't have, you're not..."

"Don't be sorry," said Brad. And without another thought against it, he pulled Danny in closer, grabbing at his shirt. "Just promise you won't tell."

"Never." Danny locked his lips back on Brad's, and ran his hands down Brad's chest.

Quickly, shirts and pants went flying. It was too fast to tell whose hands were where; there was no time to think. It was pure instinct.

Hands and mouths. Friction, aching, need. Brad cried out. "Janet!"

Danny stopped. "I think we shouldn't be doing this."

It was true. In the heat of the moment, Brad had called out the name of the person he truly loved. Janet might be a depressed shell of a person, but she was meant for Brad. It was his job to take care of her now, and he'd betrayed her. Ashamed, Brad fumbled for his clothes.

"I'm sorry, Danny. I just... there's a lot of stuff..." Without finishing his sentence, he walked out the door. It was time to rebuild things; to face the music.

Captain Luther waved the gun at Riff and Risty. "Just what do y'all think you're doin'? What is this? You cover them in some kind of concrete junk?"

"Just get him, you idiots!" yelled Magenta.

Risty tried to pull the trigger, but it was stuck. Riff pushed some buttons on the Transduer's side. Nothing would make it work. They were stuck."

"Put your hands up. All of you. I have a right mind to-" And with a loud thunk, Captain Luther fell to the ground. Schnick had hit him over the head with a chair.

"Sometimes the least technologically advanced solution is the best, my dear friends," he murmered. "Help me carry these men to the upper deck."


	11. Chapter 11

Brad Majors snuck back into his apartment and found Janet asleep in their bed, though it was the middle of the day. This was typical behavior for Janet lately. Brad showered quickly, then crept into bed. They hadn't actually shared the bed for a long time; one of them was always awake or sleeping on the sofa.

The sunlight peeked through the curtains on the windows, illuminating Janet's face. She was so pale, she looked almost Transylvanian herself. Her hair was messy, but still as shiny as ever, like tiny strands of gold. Brad reached over and brushed one of the curls off of her forehead. She woke up, confused but not angry.

"Hi. What are you doing?"

"Just admiring you. I missed you."

"I've been right here the whole time."

"I know. But I haven't been here for you. I'm sorry, I really am. I love you."

She lifted her head. "Do you know how long it's been since you've told me that?" She still didn't sound angry, just surprised.

"Too long. I love you more than anything, Janet."

"And I love you, too." She grabbed him and held him tight. They snuggled, face to face, feeling each other for the first time in too long. He kissed her slowly. This was what he needed. This was real.

Brad felt himself grow hard. Bad timing? He couldn't help it. "Sorry..."

She giggled quietly. "Don't be." Janet nibbled at his ear. "We are married, you know."

"But we never... Do you want to?"

She answered by reaching down. He made a little gasping noise, which made her laugh again. "Yes," she whispered, guiding him inside her.

After that first time, there was a lot of sex in the Majors's bedroom. And living room. And kitchen. And other places. It had taken them a while, but they'd finally gotten to it, and it seemed they were making up for lost time. After Brad learned to slow things down a bit, he became quite good at pleasing his wife. He felt like some sort of sex-fiend insde him had been let loose - something he'd repressed for years. Was it like this for everyone, he wondered? Janet thought the situation was hilarious. Here was her formerly uptight husband, trying new positions nearly every day, and sharing wild fantasies that she'd have never imagined. It was wonderful.

One time, after he'd bent her over the arm of the sofa and they were both lying on the floor, exhausted, he sat up and turned to her. Arms out, palms down. She'd seen this somewhere before. She sat up, and returned the gesture, their arms meeting in the Transylvanian elbow-sign.

"Brad. What was that?"

"What was what?"

"That! That arm thing! What we just did?"

"Oh... I don't know. I just felt like I needed to, for some reason."

They didn't mention it again.

The Transylvanians were at sea, and loving their freedom. They drifted about, landing in Germany, South Africa, and Brazil among other places.

When they needed supplies or fuel, they went ashore and earned the money. Back in Galveston, Mephistopheles had told them about the shows he'd used to do, and the Transylvanians had come up with their own little production. It was sort of medicine show: Magenta and Riff pretended to be doctors, Columbia and Risty were nurses, and Schnick was their emcee. They used fake names chosen out of a history book Riff found aboard the boat, and he even made them costumes. It was a game for them. The goal of the game was to convince people that they were insane, so they'd pay for expensive treatments. Then the Transylvanians would buy whatever they needed and leave town. They drew people in with a little singing and dancing. It was surprising how much the Earth people loved to learn the Time Warp.

Columbia wasn't too happy about the whole situation. She felt guilty for throwing those men overboard. She also thought that the shows were just distracting them from their eventual goal of getting back to Transylvania. One day she shared this with Riff Raff, unfortunately.

"What do you mean, a waste of time? These people love us! And they love giving us their money!" He adjusted the thick, fake glasses on the bridge of his nose. "Don't be so silly... Nurse Ansalong!" Riff laughed.

But Schnick, who'd been going by "Bert," the name on his fake passport, was able to convince Riff that it was time to move on from sunny Brazil. The locals were getting antsy, and unlike the others they'd met, the Brazilians wanted to see results. They fled on their stolen freighter boat in the dark of the night, once again.

Magenta was the navigator, as she'd been on their roadtrip. But, navigating the ocean was a bit more difficult than Texas highways. She didn't want to admit it to her brother, but she was mostly steering them in random directions. Magenta was still hoping to find a small island for them to settle on.

About this time, Risty and Schnick realized that they didn't have the technology they needed to build a spaceship. They didn't dare tell Riff, but there was no way they could scrape together enough materials. It was a miracle they'd been able to make the Transducer.

After weeks of aimless sailing, they landed again in Europe. France, this time. And their luck seemed to turn around. The French people loved their medicine show, and even put it on television. This led to a tour around France and Switzerland, completely financed by their production company.

Against all odds, the McKinley Medicine Show had made them all stars.


	12. Chapter 12

Farley Flavors, the mega-rich and powerful czar of the Farley Flavors Fast Foods empire, sat in his hotel room smoking a cigar. The television was tuned to a local station, glowing with the newly popular McKinley Medicine Show. These people had the audience captivated, Farley could tell. He was an expert and manipulating and captivating the public. Perhaps these McKinleys and their crew could assist him in his latest venture. Yes, they'd be perfect, Farley thought, as he chuckled to himself.

"And what exactly do you think we're doing here,_ Cosmo? _Which is almost as dumb a name as Ansalong!"

"Now, Columbia, calm down," Risty said, grabbing her arms. "We're doing very well, aren't we?"

"Yes, very well indeed. The crowd loves us!" Schnick added.

"Yes, we're popular. Wonderful. Isn't that the exact opposite of what we'd want? To not draw attention?" Columbia broke from her boyfriend's grasp and got right up into Riff's face. "You tell me what your plan is now, Mr. Handyman. There's no possibility of building anything here, at least not with what we've dragged out of that damn boat." She gestured to the pile of junk in the corner of their dressing room. "Why, your sister was just telling me last night, she thinks we've left any chance of getting home back in Denton. The ruins of Frank's lab would be the only place on this horrible little planet where we could find what we need."

Riff finally spoke. "Magenta? Is this true." Veins started popping out of his shaved-bald head. "Why didn't you tell me? Or any of us?"

Magenta came out from the corner behind him and put her hands around his waist, resting her head on his back. "I'm sorry."

"I knew too," admitted Risty. "But I didn't want to say anything. I was afraid."

'That's the problem with you, Riff Raff," Columbia continued, "You try so hard to be tough, to know it all, but you can't. You're just playing at importance, but you're so angry and intimidating that no one will admit it. And now we all know it, we're stuck here. Congratulations on your fame, all of you. It's all we have." She turned and left the dressing room.

Although things were still improved with his wife, Brad still felt guilty about his betrayal with Danny. One day, he went out to lunch with Ralph Hapschatt, an old friend he hadn't spent enough time with lately.

"Ralph, would you ever be unfaithful to Betty. You know, cheat? Have you ever thought about it?" he asked.

Ralph laughed, surprising Brad. "Majors, I'm way ahead of you."

"What exactly do you mean?"

"Every married man needs a little... one on the side, you know?" Ralph took a gulp of his iced tea.

"That's horrible!" The look on Brad's face was priceless. "Whatever happened to 'love, honor, and obey?'"

"Oh, all of that is fine. But you know what else is fine?" Ralph leaned in and lowered his voice to a whisper. "Macy Struthers."

"Don't tell me that you're thinking about cheating on Betty with Macy Struthers!"

"Not so loud... don't want everyone to know, that'd ruin the fun. And I'm not thinking about it, it's already happening." Ralph smiled.

"You're... you're an asshole!" And with that, Brad stormed out of the restaurant.

There was a knock on the Transylvanians' dressing room door.

"Oh, good, she's come to her senses," Riff said, as everyone else shot him a look. Schnick answered the door.

Farley Flavors, teeth gleaming in a cross between a smile and a snarl, stood in their doorframe. "Hello, my new friends," he said, in an eerily smooth voice, as he stepped into the room. "It's nice to meet you; I'm such a fan." Farley locked eyes with Magenta. "And Ms. McKinley, you lovely thing, I have a bit of a proposition for you and your crew."


	13. Chapter 13

Brad opened the front door of his and Janet's apartment. "Janet, you'll never believe what I just found out! I have to tell you..." Then, he looked up. Janet sat on the sofa, with Betty in tears.

"Hi Brad," Betty sniffled.

"Ralph's been with another woman," explained Janet. "Can you believe that? Betty found a note in one of his pockets."

"I'd like to say that I can't believe it, but I..." Brad wasn't sure what to tell them.

"But what?" Betty looked him in the eyes. "What do you know?"

"I just got back from lunch with Ralph. He told me."

"Who was it?" cried Betty. "Tell me!"

"Are you sure you want to know," asked Janet, holding Betty back by her shoulders.

"Just tell me. I can handle it. I need to know."

"Macy Struthers," Brad admitted.

"I'll kill the bitch," screamed Betty, as she started to cry even louder.

"Who are you, and what do you want from us?" asked an exasperated Magenta.

"I'm Farley Flavors. As in 'Farley Flavors Fast Foods'? I'm sure you've heard of my little company."

"I think I've seen them around," offered Risty.

"Playing it cool. I see how it is. Anyway, now that the restaurants have gone global, I'm looking to expand even more. TV ads work wonders... and I asked myself, 'Farley, how can you maximize that?' And you know what I told myself?"

"Not a clue," mumbled Magenta.

"I decided to start my own TV channel. All Farley Flavors, all the time. I'll entertain the people, but advertise at the same time. I'm a genius," he chuckled.

"I'm sure you're quite smart, but how exactly does this concern us?" asked Riff, who was visibly annoyed.

"I'm glad you asked. You see, McKinleys, I'd like your little crew to be the star of my station. I'll build you a mental hospital, and give you your own show. Plus, of course, a fat salary. How does that sound?"

"We're not interested," said Riff.

"I was afraid you'd say that. Well, I'll just be on my way." Farley turned around to leave.

":Wait!" shouted Schnick, who'd been quietly sitting in the corner. "Tell me more. They might not be interested, but I am."

Farley turned back around and smiled at the Transylvanian. "Ah yes, the host. It's Bert, right? Yes, I do believe you'd be wonderful on my new station."

"As a host?" Bert Schnick was enthralled.

"Yes, and so much more. You'd be one of my creative executives, Bert. How about this, you help me make my first decision? Where should I start my station? I've already chosen America, but you pick the state. California, New Jersey, or Texas?"

"Texas!" Riff whispered to his sister. "That's where we were, that's where Denton is."

"Did I hear someone say 'Denton'?" Farley turned to look at the other Transylvanians. "That's where I was born. Lovely little town. And the Dallas market is one of the top ones in the country. What do you say, Bert?"

"Let's go to Denton!" Schnick gave a smile creepily similar to Farley's own.

"All of us," added Riff. "We've changed our minds! We'll join your little plan."

"Perfect," said Farley. "Now where's that sexy little nurse of yours?"

"Columbia!" Risty ran out the door.

"What's she doing all the way in Colombia?" Farley was puzzled.

"Never mind the little idiot," said Magenta, with an angry glance toward the door. "He's not feeling right today. Nurse Ansalong has simply stepped out for some fresh air."

And that's how things were. The Transylvanians got used to calling each other by their new names. Their European show went into syndication as Farley moved them back to Denton to conquer America. He had no idea of their plan to salvage old equipment from the long-forgotten site of Furter Castle.

Riff and Magenta fought incessantly, when they weren't working out their aggression in bed. Magenta felt a bit trapped by her incestuous relationship, though she'd never admit it to anyone.

Columbia and Risty, now known as Nurse Ansalong and Rest Home Ricky, became even more inseparable. He comforted her and talked her into returning to Texas with the others, and she finally sped up their slowly building relationship. After months of sleeping in the same room, they eventually gave in to the familiar Transylvanian way.

Betty, strong as ever, divorced Ralph. She needed a way to support herself financially, so she auditioned for a hosting job on Farley's new station. To her surprise, she got the part, alongside the man who'd suggested she audition and finalized her divorce: Oliver Wright.

Brad and Janet sailed along in their relationship. Brad still felt guilty for cheating on his beloved wife, which led to Janet becoming a bit more dominant. At first they were equals. Then Janet was the one to "wear the pants," which frustrated Brad, though he let it slide.

Farley built his massive, glittering studio in the heart of Denton's square, knocking down a great many historical buildings in the process. It didn't matter. The public couldn't wait to see his hotly anticipated station come to life. Denton would be famous, they thought. Media was king. Most of the townspeople camped outside on the night before the studio's opening, as Farley promised that tickets to all shows would be free. That night, if you weren't right outside the new DTV studio, Denton looked like a ghost town.

Brad and Janet Majors showed up in the morning, as everyone else was waking up. Betty spotted them, and let them through to near the front of the line. Brad wasn't sure what to make of the scene, but Janet calmed him down as they took their seats on the end of the second row.

Little did they know, Denton would never be the same.

THE END

[Insert the movie "Shock Treatment" here.]

Tune in soon for a new story, "Aftershock."


End file.
